It happened again. You’re ready for sexy time. But no matter what, you can’t reach the big O. Next thing you know, your man is done, and you’re still horny and frustrated.
Even if your man does his best to help you reach an orgasm, it can be frustrating for both of you when it’s hard to get there. So, as a woman, how do you achieve orgasm on your own? Fear not. You’ve found a woman’s guide for women on how to orgasm.
Recognize Your Beliefs
One of the main reasons you can’t achieve an orgasm is simply because your head isn’t in the right place. This is especially common if you have one of these beliefs about sex.
Your Sexual Pleasure Isn’t Important
This is a common belief for many women, despite the leaps and bounds we’ve made in women’s rights. Women are still sexualized and objectified. The message is still that sex and women are for men’s pleasure. If the woman gets off too – that’s great. If not, eh no big deal. Just so long as you can make your man happy right?
This is a hard belief to get over. But it can be done. Here are a few tips.
Seeing someone enjoy themselves is sexy. Your man enjoys knowing he’s getting you off and you’re enjoying yourself. That’ll turn him on and make him enjoy the sex more too. He enjoys giving you pleasure as well. Sex is a two-way street. Just like you like to get him off, he likes to make you feel good too. So when he wants to go down on you, or dote on you, don’t feel guilty if you’re taking too long to orgasm. Relax, enjoy the ride. Know he enjoys making you feel good too.
You are an amazing human being, and you deserve sexual pleasure. It’s easy to doubt ourselves and have low self-confidence, especially in bed. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to feel sexy and orgasm. Whether you’re alone or you’re with your partner, remind yourself that you deserve this. It’s okay, and healthy for you.
Sex or Masturbation is a Sin
If you were raised in an especially Christian household, this belief can hold you back for a long time. Learn to recognize that it’s not true. Sexual pleasure is a biological function. It has a myriad of health benefits. It builds a deeper connection with your partner and releases dopamine and fights colds. When you touch yourself, it’s not a sin. It’s part of being human. So relax and enjoy it.
You Have Sexual Trauma In Your Past
If you have sexual trauma in your past, it can keep you from enjoying your sexual present. This will take time to get over.
You need to talk to a therapist about what you experienced. You should probably share the experience with your partner too.
Let him know your past and your triggers. Tell him how certain things affect you. This will help him find what makes you feel good, and know what to avoid.
Learn to Relax
Practice meditation. It can help you achieve an orgasm because it tunes you into your body. You learn to recognize sensations, and it can pull you out of your head and into your body.
Often we get stuck in our head and this can keep us from orgasming. While arousal can be a frame mind, actual orgasm is almost entirely a body experience. Being in your head too much keeps you from enjoying your body.
Most likely, you won’t be able to get off on penetration alone. 75% of women can’t get off with only penetration. Instead, two main spots bring the most pleasure – the clitoris and the g-spot.
Toys can help you hit those spots in a way that gets you going. Consider a vibrator from this adult novelty store for your clit. Sometimes hitting the right spot in the right way is all it takes.
Watch Porn, Read Erotica, and Listen to Sexy Music
Mediums like these can help you figure out what turns you on. It gives you an idea of what you might be interested in trying yourself.
Men are visual creatures, where a lot of arousal for women comes from mental stimulation. That’s why erotica and sexy music might be more effective for you than porn itself.
You might want to try an app like Dipsea. It’s audible erotica designed specifically for women, by women.
Read About Sex
Reading about sex is different than reading erotica. Erotica is written porn – porn without the visuals. It’s designed to turn you on and help you get off.
Reading articles about sex is different. It teaches you different methods that different women (and men) use. It’s more of a guide than it is porn.
There are a lot of great sex writers on Medium. They share their real-world experience. They write about building intimacy with their partners and their own sexual hurdles.
So why should you read this? It can give you ideas on what real women enjoy. But more importantly, it can help you build your confidence in bed. If you feel good and sexy and confident, you’re more likely to ask for what you want and achieve an orgasm.
Remove the Goal
Finally, remove the goal of getting an orgasm. Sex feels good. It feels good just to connect with your partner and enjoy the dopamine rush of being touched. If you’re too focused on reaching orgasm, it can keep you from getting there.
Instead, enjoy the sensation, enjoy the connection. If you reach an orgasm, that’s awesome! If not, you enjoyed yourself. You got in the moment and you connected with your partner. There’s always next time.
Relax, Experiment, and Take Your Time
Learning how to orgasm is a personal journey. It’s a lot easier for men than women, and everybody is unique. Take your time, experiment, and practice. Find out what turns you on both mind and body.
These tips will help you get there. Keep checking back for more advice to make your life better.