Everyone knows that boobs can be either big, small, or somewhere in between, but did you know that they can also be asymmetric, bell-shaped, or tear-drop? There are terms to describe nipple placement, where exactly your boobs sit on your chest, and what direction your boobs face when they’re not supported (aka not in a bra). All boobs (and nipples) are totally normal — in fact, most women have asymmetrical breasts.
We’re throwing out the rulebook and embracing the sheer diversity of bosoms. From those elusive “perfect” peaches to the gravity-defying conicals and the oh-so-relatable wide sets (no, stomach-sleepers, it’s not your fault!), we’ve got it all covered. When it comes to breast shape, breasts go beyond just bigger and smaller sizes. Just like bra sizes, every bust shape matters. Not all bra styles suit every breast shape.
With quirky alternative names that’ll make you snort, we’re here to tickle your funny bone while promoting self-love and body acceptance. So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh your way through the wonderful world of breasts!
The Peaches
These are not as common breast shapes as everyone might think. The average breasts are actually very rare. Sorry to burst your bubble, boys, but when seen on screen or in magazines, these perfectly proportioned and naturally gravity-defying bosoms are actually not as common as you think.
The Conical
These can be found in women of any age! You don’t have to have breastfed or ridden horses for years, as they can belong to anyone.
The Wide Set
Usually found in people who sleep on their stomachs. Just kidding!
The East-West
When your nipples are facing away from each other. These may be wide set or closed set.
The Round
Just as full as they are on top as they are underneath. It’s difficult to tell which way is up when you’re doing a handstand.
The Day Nappers
When your boobs are so high under your chin that you can rest your head on them and have a little nap.
The Close Set
Whether you are small or large, busted, your boobs are set very close together.
The Itty Bitties
You might be jealous of your big-busted friends, but they are envious of you too. They will never know what it’s like sleeping on their stomach, buying pretty bras, running to catch the bus, or free-boobing. Argh the free-boobing.
The Half – Fed
Breastfeeding mums – you know this one. One side is empty, the other side is 3 cup sizes bigger, leaking, and the baby is sleeping. Welcome to motherhood.
The Roald Dahls
The Fought Hard As Hell
The Robots
The Canoes
The Watch Where You’re Goings
Always point down and look where you’re going. It’s a pity they don’t seem to stop you from falling on your face, though.
The Desk Resters
When your bra is just not doing its job – it’s time to rest it on the desk in front of you and give your shoulders a break.
The Ian Thorpes
If this one needs explaining, Ian Thorpe is a swimming Australian hero – his nickname down under is Torpedo.
The Madonnas
The Milk Jugs
When you’ve just had your baby and your milk comes in.
Twin Peaks
The Asymmetrical
Asymmetric breasts are sets of boobs where one has a different size, breast shapes, volume, or position than the other. If you’d like to even out your breasts, push-up bras with removable pads would probably work best.
The Ski Jumps
The Ghosts
When there is just a nipple.
The Melons
When they look like a melon cut in half and stuck to your chest – round and hard. Usually seen with a skimpy triangular bikini skimming the nip.
The ‘Where Did They Come Froms’
Usually, when you least expect it – they appear from nowhere.
The Mad Mens
If you’ve seen the show, you know what we’re talking about!
The Decorated
When you can’t find enough places to pierce, these are your first options.
The Crayolas
At the end of the day, there are so many different body types, ear lobe shapes, labia, hair textures, heights, and skin types (to name a few) that all contribute to making you. Don’t get me started on your personality, as yes, you’re one of a kind. Whatever breast shapes you have, they’re all yours and can do an amazing job of nourishing your babies. They’re amazing no matter what their shape or size.
