January 25, 2021

25 Hilarious Things Everyone Is Guilty Of Doing In Complete Secrecy

Have you ever went to the store for one item but ended up buying two random things so you wouldn’t be judged for purchasing only one thing? There are many other uncanny things people do all the time with no account, but we all do them.

We have accumulated a list of the strangest guilty habits people have to help you understand you aren’t alone.

1. Dropping the volume so you can see better

guilty complete secrecy

Have you ever been humming to a song, and you turn into a parking lot and need to lower the volume to help you find a spot? Turning the volume down definitely does not expand your vision, but psychologically you believe it helps.

2. Pretending to consider buying something overpriced

guilty complete secrecy

When you go shopping, an item’s price essentially shocks you, but you can’t leave the store yet because you don’t want to look like you cannot afford it. It is even worse when you have already decided not to buy something, but you are still browsing, and a sales associate comes over to you. “Can I help you find anything?” “No, Jessica, prices here are too high.”

3. Imagining you are in a music video when you listen to music with your headphones on

guilty complete secrecy

You have done this one. You are sitting in the car or on public transportation listening to music when “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton comes on, and you instantly feel like you are starring in your music video. “Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass, and I’m homebound.” You are transported to your little world where you are a star, and there is always background music to your life.

4. Being extra lovely to airport security to not be suspicious

guilty complete secrecy

When you go through airport security and feel like they are looking at you suspiciously, so you act extra friendly to the TSA employees, they never thought you were suspicious, but now they might. Now you are being pulled out of line for a full-body inspection because what average person is extra friendly at three in the morning.

5. Taking a break from the computer to check your phone

guilty complete secrecy

Have you ever been on the computer searching Facebook, and then you take a break and look at Facebook on your phone? Maybe different things will show up on the app rather than the webpage. You think it is a break from the internet, yet the internet is still in the palm of your hand. So, you are never really taking a step away unless you put your phone and computer away full.

6. Mumbling the name part during “happy birthday.”

guilty complete secrecy

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear (inaudible name), happy birthday to you.” When you go to someone’s birthday crowd, but you only met them a few times, so you forget their name when it comes time to sing the “happy birthday.” Hopefully, your sudden volume change isn’t perceptible to everyone standing around you.

7. Bringing a book to the beach and not reading it

guilty complete secrecy

If you think you will read the book you threw in your beach bag, you are wrong. You will most likely spend your time tanning, in the water, or on your phone. Leave the book at home and save space for snacks, water, and extra sunscreen. Those are more important than throwing in a book that will never be touched but will get wet and sandy.

8. Sitting in your towel after the shower for too long

guilty complete secrecy

You get out of the shower, put on your towel, and sit on your bed. Somehow, an hour goes by, and you are still sitting in your towel. You might be playing on your phone or just gazing at the ceiling, and for some purpose, the time you sit at your towel goes by faster than the standard time.

9. Using songs to measure the distance

guilty complete secrecy

When you go to the gym or go running outside, and you use songs to measure distance. Even when you are driving, you can measure how far something is by gauging the space. “How far is your drive to work?” “It’s about five songs.” It makes no sense to other people, but to you, it is clear as day.

10. Feeling relief when you come home to an empty hour after work

guilty complete secrecy

It is not that you don’t love your family or friends, but sometimes it is pleasant to have a few moments alone every day. It is nice to get first dibs on the snacks or pick what you watch on TV. You might even sit and enjoy the peace because you have been surrounded by people at work all day, and you want a moment to yourself.

11. Lying to your doctor about your alcohol consumption

guilty complete secrecy

“Yeah, I only have one or two beers a month, tops.” Your doctor knows you’re lying, you know you’re lying, so what’s the point. If you only have one or two drinks a month, it seems rather suspicious. Be honest with your doctors, and when all else fails, get better at lying. One drink a week sounds more probable than one a month.

12. Accidentally sending a screenshot of the messages to the person you are talking about

guilty complete secrecy

Have you ever texted someone and then screenshotted the conversation to send to someone else? But instead of sending it to another person, you send the screenshot back to the person you were initially texting. There is no way to pretend like you weren’t going to start talking about that person behind their back. It is incredibly awkward, and you should own up to it at that point.

13. Having a pile of shirts and only wearing the top 5

guilty complete secrecy

You have probably gotten into this habit of having a pile of shirts, and you always pick the five or six shirts from the top, wash them, and then put the same shirts on top. You continue this cycle until you buy some new shirts, or the five top shirts get too worn or ratty.

14. Pretending to be happy when receiving cards without cash inside

guilty complete secrecy

As you get old, instead of wanting real gifts for your anniversary or holidays, people usually want cash. As Cuba Gooding Jr. would say, “show me the money!” Then you get a card and open it, hoping for money, but that card is empty, and you still have to act grateful. It is the worst feeling, but you don’t want to seem obnoxious or rude. Also, what do people think you are going to do with a card? Yes, it is lovely and gushy, but after reading it, then what?

15. Thinking of a remarkable comeback hours after the insult

guilty complete secrecy

Have you ever been roasted by someone, and you do not have a response on the spot, but a few hours later, you finally come up with something good to say? It happens to the best of us, and you are just hoping you get a chance to redeem yourself. You might sit there for hours thinking about how good this comeback would have been if you had just thought of it on the spot. Now you have to carry that thought around that you could have said something, but it didn’t happen.

16. Buying fresh produce and never eating it

guilty complete secrecy

It is too real! You go to the grocery intending to make food for the rest of the week, so you buy a bunch of fresh fruits and vegetables, then you get too lazy to cook, and it sits in the fridge until they go wrong. ​Now you wasted money, and you don’t have any food to cook because all of it had gone bad by the time you got around to cooking a week later. Yet, whenever you go to the store, you repeat this process even though you know you won’t cook them.

17. Waiting to leave when someone sits down next to you

guilty complete secrecy

The most uncomfortable thing is when you are about to get up, and then someone sits next to you, and now you feel like it would hurt their feelings if you left now. You don’t even know the person that sat next to you, but you feel like it would be wrong them if you needed to leave. How long have you sat next to someone in a situation like this?

18. Writing an angry email and never sending it

guilty complete secrecy

Picture this: You go to work, and you and an associate got into a disagreement, so when you sit down at your computer and write an extensive angry email. After you are done writing it, you never send it. You might have spent much time writing it, but it is not worth sending it in the end. The key to this is making sure you delete the email. You don’t want to get caught in a situation where you unintentionally send it and then have to deal with the consequences.

19. Calling someone buddy when you forget their name

guilty complete secrecy

You go out with a group of friends, and your friend brings someone new into the group. You could’ve sworn that they introduced themselves, but their names have completely slipped your mind. You find yourself calling the person by a nickname the rest of the night because you cannot remember their name.

20. Taking out your phone to do something important and getting distracted by social media

guilty complete secrecy

Have you ever opened your phone to check the weather, and twenty minutes later, you have fallen into a rabbit hole on Instagram, and you can’t remember why you went on your phone in the first place. You are spending time trying to remember why you were on your phone in the first place, and after a while, you get distracted by something else again.

21. Rehearsing conversations that won’t happen

guilty complete secrecy

It is something that happens to everyone. You have a full conversation in your head, but it never ends up happening because you are too nervous about bringing up the subject. It makes you annoyed because, in your head, the conversation went so well, but then you realize it probably won’t go as well in real life.

22. Pretending to be a pro athlete at the gym

guilty complete secrecy

When you go to the gym, you have the Rocky theme song playing in your head while using the Stairmaster. You are out of breath after a few minutes, but you still think you are a professional gym rat. It could be your first time to the gym in years, and you still think this is the beginning of your training montage to get Olympic ready.

23. Eavesdropping on conversations and then joining in

guilty complete secrecy

We are all embarrassed about overhearing other people’s tête-à-têtes. But have you ever been listening, and then you get dragged into the conversation? It is so painful because you are trying to act like you have no idea what is going on, but you have been listening to the whole chat for the past few minutes.

24. Looking at other items when someone is in front of what you want at the grocery store

guilty complete secrecy

“This can of olives is super exciting; let me stare at it for a few more minutes until that person moves out of my way because I don’t want olives.” It would be ok to ask the person if you can grab what they are standing in front of, but that would be more difficult.

25. Getting flustered when someone says, “bless you.”

guilty complete secrecy

*Sneezes* “Bless you.” “You’re welcome…I mean, thank you.” When you get embarrassed, you said the wrong thing because you were thrown off guard by someone saying bless you. You are thinking about that awkward encounter for the rest of the day, and you feel the other person is thinking about it too. In reality, they probably forgot about it a few minutes later.

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