You may not know what to do if your spouse cheated on you, or your best friend acted meanly towards you, or your employee stole your idea. On the other hand, it is possible that you yourself lied to your spouse, took a girl or a guy from under the nose of your own friend, or could not help an employee or classmate with preparing an important project.
Trust between two people means vulnerability to each other. Trust is the key to a good relationship. Loss of trust is a two-way street, as are your attempts to regain it. You both must want to regain the lost trust. And here is what you both need to do.
1. Be honest and lay it all out.
If you have lost the trust of your partner, you must be honest and tell everything as it is. In interpersonal relationships, it’s very important, to tell the truth, even if lying is at your fingertips. If you betrayed someone, admitting to everything will help the other person understand that their well-being is more important to you than your own. Failure to admit guilt will cause even more distrust on the part of another person, especially if the truth is already known. Admit all your mistakes. Even if there are things that you can hide with impunity, you still have to confess everything to another person. Only by fully acknowledging your mistakes will you be forgiven.
2. Expect an emotional reaction from another person.
Yeah, you should be honest and admit to your mistakes, but this will not change the situation for the better instantly. On the contrary, expect a surge of emotions (screaming, crying, etc.) from the person who understands that you have betrayed them. But remember, the best way to move on is, to tell the truth.
3. Ask for forgiveness.
This is quite obvious, but, unfortunately, sometimes people don’t do it. Your approach, in this case, will affect whether you will be forgiven and whether you can move on.
When you ask for forgiveness, do not justify your actions. It’s not worth asserting that the person offended by you misunderstood you (“everything is completely wrong”). Do not deny that you caused pain (“it didn’t even offend you”). Do not try to cause pity (“I had a bad childhood”).
The best way to take responsibility is to admit that you offended the other person by saying how you really should have acted and what you will do in the future.
But if your partner isn’t able to forgive you and you two decide to move on, don’t forget that it is not that hard to find a beloved one when you are over 50, love has no bounds.
4. Let the other person give vent to their feelings.
It is quite normal to feel the severity of a situation after causing pain to your partner. Let the person pour out their feelings and emotions in order to be healed. It may be unpleasant for you, but it is vital for another person.
The worst thing you can do is try to “calm” their anger. Such actions show that you do not take the feelings of another person seriously.
Let the other person express their own feelings as they want to. Each of us views different situations differently in different periods of life.
5. Tell them about your life.
Each of us is trying to hide this or that personal information. But for a moment, you need to open up to a person in order to earn their trust again. By talking about your life, another person will be able to see with their own eyes that you are not going to cause pain to anyone else.
This is especially important in relationships with a loved one that was spoiled by your infidelity. Give your loved one full access to text messages, phone, email, etc. for several weeks or months after your infidelity. If possible, tell them where you are and with whom you spend time.
6. Forgive yourself.
If you have lost the trust of another person, you will most likely repent so much that you can hardly forgive yourself. Although repentance is an important part of restoring relationships, you must accept and forgive yourself after all your efforts to make a difference.
Remember that no one is perfect. Even if your error in your judgments was insignificant, this indicates that you are only a person. Accept defeat and try to move on. Constant thoughts of past failures will lead to self-abasement. As soon as you plunge into these thoughts, your motivation for self-improvement will sharply decrease.
7. Be patient.
Understand that it takes time to regain trust. Be patient and persistent in your efforts. Depending on the severity of the situation, it can take weeks, months or years to regain trust. Never put pressure on another person. Understand that you will never return to their former course of your relationships after losing their trust, but, having demonstrated your reliability, some share of trust in you will nevertheless return.
Tips on how to regain trust in your partner
Try to let go of your anger. Once you express your feelings, release them. After discussing the issue with a person that is guilty, it is necessary to leave everything in the past. Even if you are sad or angry, you will not always feel that way. Do not raise this issue in the future, especially if the other person has made efforts and tried to improve.
If you notice that you are still experiencing negative feelings, think about why you cannot let them go. Maybe because you still can’t trust your loved one again? Or is it due to personal problems in the past?
Do not expect much. Even if someone did not want to offend you at all, no one will constantly do the way you want. Once you understand that you should not expect perfection, you will realize how much you really can trust a guilty person. Accept the fact that we all make mistakes sometimes. But never let people hurt you and treat you without due respect intentionally and with impunity.
Give love and accept it from others. You must be ready to accept and love the person who has betrayed you, and for your part, you must accept the love of that person. If your abuser is trying to express their love for you, accept the fact that they do it sincerely. Try to accept the efforts of another person to build relationships, if they seem sincere to you.