Boobs are funny old things, aren’t they? Both functional and perceived as sexually attractive, they’re incredibly varied between women. But we’ve come to learn that it’s not just as simple as either having big boobs or small ones. Whether you call them boobies, boobs, breasts, bosom, or whatever else—for every word there is to describe breasts, there are infinite types and shapes of breasts out there.
Common breast shapes include round, teardrop, asymmetrical, bell-shaped, and athletic. Round breasts are full on top and bottom, while teardrop breasts have more fullness at the bottom. Asymmetrical breasts, where one is larger than the other, are also very common. Bell-shaped breasts are fuller at the bottom, and athletic breasts tend to be firmer and wider.
And here’s the cool part, there’s no “perfect” boob. Every shape is unique, and each has its charm. So, why not learn a bit more about the different types of boobs and celebrate the diversity? Breasts can change with age due to hormonal shifts, pregnancy, weight changes, and aging. Over time, breasts may lose firmness and become more relaxed.
And it’s quite fascinating because we’ve never thought about our boob shape in such detail before. With quirky alternative names that’ll make you snort, we’re here to tickle your funny bone while promoting self-love and body acceptance. So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh your way through the wonderful world of breasts!
1. The Peaches
These are not as common as everyone might think. The average breasts are actually very rare. Sorry to burst your bubble, boys, but when seen on screen or in magazines, these perfectly proportioned and naturally gravity-defying bosoms are actually not as common as you think.
2. The Conical
These can be found in women of any age! You don’t have to have breastfed or ridden horses for years, as they can belong to anyone.
3. The Wide Set
Usually found in people who sleep on their stomachs. Just kidding!
4. The East-West
When your nipples are facing away from each other. These may be wide set or closed set.
5. The Round
Just as full as they are on top as they are underneath. It’s difficult to tell which way is up when doing a handstand.
6. The Day Nappers
When your boobs are so high under your chin that you can rest your head on them and have a little nap.
7. The Close Set
Whether you are small or large, busted, your boobs are set very close together.
8. The Itty Bitties
You might be jealous of your big-busted friends, but they are jealous of you too. They will never know what it’s like sleeping on their stomach, buying pretty bras, running to catch the bu,s or free-boobing. Argh the free-boobing.
9. The Half – Fed
Breastfeeding mums – you know this one. One side is empty, the other side is 3 cup sizes bigger, leaking, and the baby is sleeping. Welcome to motherhood.
10. The Roald Dahls
11. The Fought Hard As Hell!
12. The Robots
13. The Canoes
14. The Watch Where You’re Goings
Always pointing down and looking where you’re going. Pity they don’t seem to stop you from falling on your face, though.
15. The Desk Resters
When your bra is just not doing its job, rest it on the desk in front of you and give your shoulders a break.
16. The Ian Thorpes
If this one needs explaining, Ian Thorpe is a swimming Australian hero – his nickname down under is Torpedo.
17. The Madonnas
18. The Milk Jugs
When you’ve just had your baby and your milk comes in.
19. Twin Peaks
20. The Asymmetrical
21. The Ski Jumps
22. The Ghosts
When there is just a nipple.
23. The Melons
When they look like a melon cut in half and stuck to your chest – round and hard. Usually seen with a skimpy triangular bikini skimming the nip.
24. The ‘Where Did They Come Froms’
Usually, when you least expect it – they appear from nowhere
25. The Mad Mens
You know what we’re talking about if you’ve seen the show!
26. The Decorated
These are your first options when you can’t find enough places to pierce.
27. The Crayolas
Becoming familiar with your boobs will not only make it easier to find a comfortable, supportive bra, but it can also build confidence and increase overall mental health. Getting to know your boobs better can help you improve your body image and mental well-being and even help you experience more sexual pleasure.
Comparing the body you have to the bodies seen on social media, TV, or even in bra advertisements can lead to comparison and unhealthy expectations.
